I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
