So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
is it fun? or sober?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
