Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
