I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
