Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
