He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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