i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
