I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
