A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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