i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
