Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
