I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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