Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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