i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
