I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
