Are we in a gay sports bar?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
