I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
