there's paper in my vomit.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
