That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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