Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
