How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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