I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
