I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
