my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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