My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
