So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Bring me that man meat
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
