It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
