i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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