I wish I could punch you in the face.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
