I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
