now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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