6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
