I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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