You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
