I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
