I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
