pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
