I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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