Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
