it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You pole danced in your parka.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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