First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
