He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
did i just pee glitter
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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