Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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