But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
