White coat. Heels.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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