I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
