dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk is not a location!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
