Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
