u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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