I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
